You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
The traffic cop finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Your career doesn't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head is bump ridden from getting hit by falling toilet seats.
Sincerely believe that Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women are the 4 food groups.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - this is not a coincidence.
Your drinking problem is: two hands but only one mouth.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
Your kids refer to you as "the old drunk."
The parking lot moves after you go into a bar.
You have difficulty when falling off the floor.
You have columns of stacked dead beer cans strategically placed as furniture decorations.
5 beers has just as many calories as a burger - so long MacDonalds.
Mosquitoes fly erratically from you.
The beer truck driver you know as Paul, makes deliveries to your door.
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
Your neighborhood erected a "caution" sign next to your driveway.
You celebrated when they went from 12 oz. cans to 16.
You discover falling down isn't as painful as it used to be.
You put down your eye color as Brown and Red.
You're getting in more accidents from beer cans rolling under your brake pedal.
Your room divider curtain is made from beer can pop-top pull tabs.
The room starts into motion when you release it with your foot.
You find yourself at the door waiting for the liquor store to open.
You stock-up Saturday night because the store opens a little late Sunday morning.
There's no room left to put lunch meats in your refrigerator drawer.
You wake up fully clothed in bedrooms, with your underwear in the bathroom.
Everybody in the bar says "Hi" when you come in.
You think Roseanne is starting to look good.
You're wearing out the floor leading to the toilet.
You don't recognize your wife unless looking through bottom of your glass.
Your shrubbery is dying from too frequent waterings.
You need a bigger belt every 3 months.
Your collection of "different brands of beer cans" keeps sunlight from entering your kitchen.
Elizabeth Dole and her organization are distancing themselves from you. |
