Jargon Watch

You’ve all heard the recently coined slang phrase “Going Postal.” Here are some more examples, from the book “Jargon Watch,” just published by Wired magazine...

By the way, for the out of touch: Going Postal - Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

Alpha Geek

The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Mike, he's the alpha geek around here."

Assmosis

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Blamestorming

Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Body Nazis

hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Beepilepsy

The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and interruption of speech in midsentence.

Chainsaw consultant

an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Chips and Salsa

Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Crapplet

A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Dancing Baloney

Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

Depotphobia

Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

Ego surfing

scanning the Net, databases, print media, and so on, looking for references to one's own name (Our friends in Product Reliability might know somebody like this).

Elvis year

the peak year of something's popularity -- Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993.

Flight Risk

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

404

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

Generica

Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

GOOD Job

A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Irritainment

Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Keyboard Plaque

The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Idea hamsters

people who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Mouse potato

the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.

Nyetscape

Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

Ohnosecond

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Seen in Elizabeth P. Crowe's book The Electronic Traveller.

PEBCAK

Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")

Percussive Maintenance

The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's head pops up over the walls to see what's going on.

Seagull Manager

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Stress puppy

a person who thrives on being stressed-out and whining.

Telephone Number Salary

A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Tourists

People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."

Umfriend

A relationship of dubious standing. "This is Hank, my...um...friend..."

Uninstalled

Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment (but not in this list).

Vulcan Nerve Pinch

The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm boot for a Mac II involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

Yuppie Food Stamps

The ubiquitous (widespread) $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

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