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Zero-T’s Shit List |
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Zero-T’s Shit List |
The Ghost Shit: The kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on your toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet. The Clean Shit: The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. The Wet Shit: The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times and it still feels unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don’t ruin them with a skid mark. The Brain Hemorrhage Shit: The kind where you strain so much to get it out you practically have a stroke. The Iceberg Shit: The kind of shit where the shit is so long that the end of it sticks out of the toilet water. The Richard Simmons Shit: The kind where you shit so much that you lose 30 pounds. The Lincoln Log Shit: The kind of shit that is so huge that you’re afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush. The 2x4 Shit (aka Stove Pipe): A type of Lincoln Log Shit, the 2x4 shit is the kind that comes out and spans the entire hole at the bottom of the can so when you flush, it does nothing but spin, leaving a circular skid mark around the hole. Again, the toilet brush is necessary. The Double Barrel Shit (aka Double Feed): The kind where it comes out in two pieces and both pieces attempt to go down the toilet side by side. You have to use your toilet brush to hold one piece in place as the first piece disappears down the hole so as not to plug up the toilet. The “Gee, I wish I could Shit” Shit: The kind where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the pot and fart a few times. The Spinal Tap Shit: The kind where it hurts so much coming out, you’d swear it was leaving sideways. The Wet Cheeks or Power Dump: The kind that comes outta your ass so fast, that your butt cheeks get splashed with toilet water. The Hershey® Squirts: The kind where a yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender anus. The Ottoman Shit: The kind where the odor of the mess creeps out of the restroom and throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near evacuation. (Ed. Note: Even Rugg Butt was offended by this article. Good job Zero-T! ) |