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 Banker files class-action lawsuit against Jackson, Timberlake, et. al. Feb. 8, 2004 Associated Press KNOXVILLE, TN - A banker filed a class-action lawsuit against Janet Jackson, dance partner Justin Timberlake, CBS, halftime show producers MTV and the networks' parent company, Viacom. Terri Carlin said the "sexually explicit conduct" by the performers caused millions of people to "suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury." Dorothy Carter of St. Petersburg, FL, admitted to SHF News that her "son started masturbating before I could hit the changer," to turn the spectacle off. "I couldn't believe it," she continued, "he's only 10-years-old and pulled his little thingy out like he's done is a hundred times." "Yeah, I'm outraged," Carter exclaimed. "I definitely want my chunk of this lawsuit. It'll help pay for the cleaning bills of my son's new found habit." Somewhere in Arkansas Bubba Washington, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told SHF News via telephone that the ordeal has affected his family three-fold. "I was watchin' that there haftime show, drinkin' some beer outta dem new beer cans dat have thu rubber mouf so you can fuck the can when it's empty. Anyways, duh haftime show came up and when I seen that Jackson girl's tittie I figured I'd fuck dat beer can." "I was jest gettin' ready to fill 'er up, if you know whut I mean, when I heard muh daughter scream upstairs. So I ran upstairs to see what all thu ruckus was about. On thu way up duh stairs I tripped, cut my dick on thu beer can. Dat's when I decided I shood drop dat can and pull up muh pants." "Once I got upstairs I seen my fool son banging thu shit outta his sister," Bubba said with a deranged grin. "I was so proud uh 'im," he continued while fighting back a tear. "He was layin' duh pipe so good I jus' about went back downstairs to get muh beer can." After Bubba's son finished up he was questioned by his father. "Boy, watcha ya do dat fer?" "Whaddya mean, pah?" replied Bubba Jr. "You and mu older bruthu Cletus have dem dere sexual relations with sis." "Well, yeah we duz," countered Bubba. "But you ain't to be fuckin' yer kin 'til you're twelve." On her hearing of the Bubba interview Carlin said, "Do you see the havoc those two miscreants have wreaked upon society?" But, according to records uncovered by SHF News, Carlin's reasons for the suit appear to be more personal that she had led others to believe. According to these documents an ambulatory service was called to her residence the night of the Superbowl shortly after the halftime show had finished. Upon arriving at her home the EMTs entered the house to find Carlin with a extraordinarily large "sexual device" partially trapped in her rectum and her TiVO machine playing a loop of the brief 1 to 2 second "wardrobe malfunction." "Once we got past the overpowering smell of ass in the air (can I say ass?)," Ray Harris of Emergency Response Ambulatory Service said, "we strode in to find the aforementioned scene." "It was like 'Penthouse Forum' gone bad … very, very bad," said Harris' partner Jeffrey McDonald from his therapist's office via cell phone. When contacted by SHF News Carlin refused further comment. 
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