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 GM recalling 636,000 sport utility vehicles Feb. 10, 2004 Associated Press DETROIT, MI - General Motors Corp. is recalling about 636,000 sport utility vehicles from model years 2002 and 2003 to repair faulty windshield wiper equipment that has caused at least two accidents, the automaker said Monday. According to Trenton Wright, a GM spokesman, the consumers that tend to buy these larger SUVs "don't realize that when the wipers fail while it is raining visibility will be drastically reduced." Wright said that a large majority of the accidents were caused because the "dipshits driving the SUVs failed to stop" their vehicle when the wipers failed. SHF News Investigative Reporter Bobby Fletcher wasn't sure we should believe the figures coming from the GM camp. So, to verify GM's assertations of driver error SHF News setup a controlled experiment. Peoria Pontiac/GMC was kind enough to loan us 5 GMC Envoy SUVs, one of the vehicles being recalled, and we assembled 5 separate drivers as a test group. The drivers would be driving these Envoys in the rain when these specially engineered SUVs would have their windshield wipers fail on command; an engineer back in the lab would be in control of the wipers. Cameras will be placed throughout the vehicle so the driver may be monitored. The test group would consist of one "soccer mom", a 44-year-old woman that would be simulating her drive with two children in the back. Second would be an 18-year-old female with a, surprisingly, distraught driving record. Next is 35-year-old Internet entrepreneur followed by a 23-year-old Mexican college student and a 29-year-old unemployed Black carpenter. The test began with the "soccer mom" who started the drive down Bell Road. The on-board cameras showed the subject doing various things, none of them driving: applying makeup, talking on the phone, scolding the children in the backseat. "When we made the wipers malfunction she didn't even notice," said test engineer Dominic Sanchez. "She was so distracted by her other activities that she didn't even notice that she couldn't see out the front windshield." Luckily, Sanchez was able to remotely pilot the vehicle to a safe stop. The 18-year-old female came next and fared little better. When the wipers stopped the driver "locked the brakes and sent the vehicle into an uncontrolled skid," according the Sanchez. "You would've thought the world was ending the way she was screaming," due to the reduced visibility. The 35-year-old Internet entrepreneur was the first to behave as predicted. "He remained calm and pulled over at the nearest gas station and waited for our courtesy vehicle," said Sanchez. When the cameras were turned on in the 23-year-old Mexican college student's test vehicle there appeared to be no activity. Lab assistants went onto the lot to visually inspect the vehicle to see what was going on. "It was up on blocks," said Harold Tommlin. "The damn Mexican took the wheels right off it and scooted off the lot." "Where in the hell did he even find cinder blocks on our car lot?" asked Peoria Pontiac/GMC vice president Wayne Schiffer. "That's when we noticed," he continued, "that the 29-year-old unemployed black carpenter had broken a window in his Envoy, hotwired it and drove off in the vehicle." "The dumb son of a bitch," said Tommlin, "was too stupid to realize it wasn't locked and we were just about to hand him the keys." SHF News' conclusion: "Yep," says investigative reporter Bobby Fletcher, "according to our test it most certainly is 'dipshit drivers' that cause accidents." 
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