SHF News: Satire for the Sick and Twisted

ISSUE 1
Feb. 8, 2004

How to talk with your child about bullying

Question: I think my child is being bullied at school, but he won't admit it and doesn't want to talk about it. What should I do?

Answer: It's critical that you communicate with your child. To open the conversation try asking general questions such as "Do you think there's a bully in your class? What do you think should happen to the bully? Do you think two or three of your friends are capable of takin' the bully out?" Be gentle and supportive in your questioning.

Here are some steps to take:

Contact your child's teacher and ask for a conference. Request a private meeting with yourself, the teacher, your child and the bully. Bring your notes and share with the teacher and bully exactly what your child has told you and what a worthless waste of human flesh the bully is. Be firm and demeaning to the bully. Make him feel worthless.
Ask for the teacher's perspective. Find out why they are so oblivious to the behavior; why they are indirectly supporting the bully.
Don't be afraid to be rude, disrespectful and verbally and physically abusive towards the bully and, if necessary, the teacher. It's obvious violence and abuse is the only thing the bully understands.
Be patient with the incompetent teacher. He/she will want to talk with other teachers and the principal. Ask to be informed of the teacher's useless communications with these other bureaucrats.

Here are a few things you can expect to happen:

Nothing
Your child will be bullied even further, possibly injuring him/her.
Your child will grow into a deep depression and eventually commit suicide.

Once you are satisfied that nothing is going to come from your formal complaint it is imperative that you take matters into your own hands.

Enroll your child in the most lethal martial arts course you can find.
Buy your child a firearm and get him/her a concealed weapon permit.
Teach your child how to build explosive devices and where to plant them to cause the most damage to his bully(s) without harming others.

What you must remember when dealing with bullies is that they are typically inbred trash, of poor upbringing, or a school athlete so they have been taught that to get respect you must be physically abusive towards others. This means that the only thing they will respect is a superior violent force.

You must be that force.

You must start your own therapy sessions with the bully and his parents:

Beat the bully down, badly and often.
Beat the bully's parents down, badly and often.
Rape the bully anally, repeatedly, with no lubricant. When they begin to enjoy the anal sex, and they will, return to the beatings. At this point in the therapy sometimes withdrawing the anal sex is enough to force them back into a "normal" behavioral pattern.
Do not rape their parents. The mother will be used to being forced into sex and the father will be used to being anally raped due to his time spent in any number of penitentiaries.

If the above actions fail you will have only one recourse: Columbine.

Those boys had the right idea. They simply did not have enough training to properly implement the plan without substantial collateral damage. Doubt me? How many people have the slaughtered bullies bothered since Columbine.

Exactly 0.

Sounds like a solution to bullying behavior to me.

Information and suggestions are from "Bullies: How to properly punish the vermin" by Bobby Fletcher of SHF News Personal Safety Institute.

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