SHF News: Satire for the Sick and Twisted

ISSUE 3
Mar. 7, 2004

Group is recruiting volunteers to prevent deaths at the U.S.-Mexico border

Associated Press
Feb. 17, 2004

PHOENIX, AZ - A Tucson-based group is recruiting volunteers in an effort to prevent deaths at the U.S.-Mexico border.

Their first step in the effort to reduce deaths will be placing water stations near trails used by illegal immigrants. Humane Borders Inc. wants to fill the stations before it gets hot and deaths along the border increase.

Since they wouldn't dream of putting tap water in the stations Humane Borders Inc. is looking for bottled water sponsors to supply the illegal immigrants with water refreshments.

The U.S. Border Patrol, however, has said that the stations give migrants a false sense of security.

While speaking with SHF News Investigative Reporter, Bobby Fletcher, Humane Borders spokesman, Judith Lemont, said "they may give a false sense of security but if it allows just one criminal to cross the American border to collect welfare and commit crimes, all the while having children that will be allowed to stay in America, then I'm sure you'd agree it is worth it."

Fletcher replied, "Huh? Are you high?"

According to HBI press release documents the second step in their plan to halt deaths at the U.S.-Mexico border will be to build and man "rest stops" along their route.

"These 'rest stops' will merely be a place for the 'undocumented immigrants' to rest," said Lemont. Apparently they will be little Motel 6s for the illegals to stay at with no charge for up to two nights.

"They can rest for a night or two so they may continue their trek fully refreshed," said Lemont. They will also be offered a complimentary breakfast and bottled water to take with them.

Fletcher posed the question, "You do realize that these are illegal aliens; criminals? You are aiding and abetting criminals."

"They are simply undocumented workers trying to find a better life here in America. Who are we to try to prevent them from fulfilling their dreams," said Lemont.

Unbeknownst to anyone outside the company, HBI had already begun deploying these rest stops. The first one was fully operational as early as November 14, 2003.

According to classified HBI documents uncovered by SHF News:

The first rest stop employs 24 illegal aliens.
These illegals are paid anywhere from $7.50 an hour to up to $16.00, depending on their duties.
They pay no taxes. It's all paid under the table since they are illegals.
There have been approximately 1700 illegals visit the 'rest stop.' This is not surprising considering they can easily sleep 16 in a room with only two beds.
The cost of operating the first 'rest stop' has exceeded $150,000 in the 3 months since it's opening. That works out to be roughly $89 per illegal alien supported.

Also according to these documents it appears as though the 'rest stop' has been shut down. Apparently the operating cost is substantially more than anticipated and even with the private donations and federal grants they were unable to keep up with the cost of running such an establishment.

"You dumbasses didn't consider that these same illegals you are trying to help would steal everything that wasn't nailed down, did you?" asked Fletcher of Lemont.

HBI refused any further comment.

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