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 Skier rescued in Cascades loses feet, ankles Associated Press Feb. 13, 2004 SEATTLE, WA - Dan Witkowski, a 25-year-old extreme skier who amazed doctors, relatives and rescuers by surviving five days lost in the frigid Cascade Mountains last month, underwent surgery Friday to amputate his feet and ankles. "Dan's a very determined guy who wants to move on with his life," hospital spokeswoman Susan Gregg-Hanson said Friday. "He wanted that function and mobility, and in order to do that, he had to go with the amputation." "Unfortunately," continued Gregg-Hanson, "due to Dan's obvious lack of intelligence and his self-destructive behavior we are going to be forced to perform more amputations." "Let's face it," said Fred Wilson, Chairman of the County Health Board, "this guy has an obvious death wish so for his own safety, and to protect the assets of the hospital, we will be forced to amputate Dan's brain later in the week." "Apparently he won't miss it," said Gregg-Hanson adding, "this is not the first time we've had to repair him. He's obviously not smart enough to know how to stay out of trouble, especially under such extreme conditions." Terry McAuliffe, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee said it will be rough for Dan to assimilate back into society. "Fortunately, without his brain he'll fit right in with the DNC and we'll welcome him with open arms." 
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