If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use? Six Presidents were on a sinking boat. Ford says, "What do we do?" Bush says, "Man the life boats!" Reagan says, "What life boats?" Carter says, "Women first..." Nixon says, "Screw the women!" Clinton says, "You think we have time?" A man and his brother inherit a farm ... on the farm there are some cows, and one ornery bull. The first morning of their stay on the farm, they went outside to find that the bull had escaped his pen, gotten out with the cows, and when they found him, his eyes were crossed. The two men decided to call the vet. The vet came out, stuck a tube in the bulls rear and blew really hard, the bulls eyes went back to normal. The vet charged the two men $50.00. On the second morning, the two brothers awoke only to find the bull back out with the cows, and his eyes were crossed again. They thought about it, and decided NOT to call the vet, they could save $50.00 if they could just find a tube, and they'd do it themselves. One brother says to the other "I'll blow on the tube, you watch his eyes." After numerous attempts, the brothers decide they should switch. The brother that was originally watching the bull's eyes walks around to the rear of the bull, pulls out the tube, and sticks the other end in. "What'd ya do that fer?" asked the brother. He replies, "Well, you don't think I want to blow on the same end as you, do ya?" Q. What do you say to a girl with no tits? A. A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinaman that says, "Use more soap on panties." This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on ass." A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature." "Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing "Beware of Gays." He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry... You've had two warnings!" Previous Page  •  Next Page SHF Archive Jokes

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